Opposites Attract

One of the reasons that I think I've lost ground on the debt side of our financial equation is the fact that my partner and I see money very differently. I see it as something to be saved for a rainy day (especially after having to file bankruptcy ten years ago) and she sees it as a tool to obtain things that she wants.

I abhor debt. She doesn't care.

I like big balances in my savings account. She views money in a bank account as permission to buy large-ticket items.

We fight about money, a lot, and our differences are reflected in the balances of our various savings accounts. My account, as of this morning, has a balance of $3,655.56. Her account contains only $5.00. Our joint savings account has a balance of $2,192.17.

It bugs me that out of all our accounts, my savings account is the one with the most money in it.

Even though I was the one that had to file for bankruptcy ten years ago, I think I've been the one to do a better job of managing my money overall. Between my 401(k), rollover account and SEP IRA, I have over $100,000.00 in assets. My partner has just under $10,000.00.

I realize, though, that my $100,000.00 isn't going to be nearly enough to cover my retirement. It's a start, but I'm almost 42 years old, and I don't think it will be enough by the time I'm 65 unless I get busy and put a lot more money away. As for my partner, she's of the mind that she's going to work until she's dead.

I don't see this as a good strategy.

I've been trying to get our collective overspending under control for quite some time, and it doesn't seem to be working. Every time we gain a little ground, we slip further back. When we have a hard slip, it always seems like it is up to me (by borrowing from my retirement account, or dipping into our savings) to make up for the shortfall.

It's scary and I feel vulnerable, and I'm trying as hard as I can to get my partner to adopt more thrifty habits. At the same time, I'm doing more and more to partially separate our finances (it's hard to create a complete break, since we own a house, two cars and business together) so that perhaps my partner's spending habits will at least cause me less stress.

But I'm scared, because I owe more money now than I did when I first declared bankruptcy. The only difference is that the bulk of my debt is in real estate that I could sell for more than what is owed if necessary.